How to Stop Abandoning Yourself: Reclaim Your Power by Saying Yes and No with Confidence
Do you ever say yes when your whole body is giving a definite and defiant no?
Do you find yourself emotionally drained, always prioritising others’ needs over your own?
If so, you may be caught in the cycle of people-pleasing—a deeply ingrained pattern that can lead to emotional burnout, lowered self-worth, and disconnection from your true self.
In this post, we’ll explore how to stop abandoning yourself, set healthier boundaries, and build unshakable self-trust. You’ll also learn why saying no is a powerful act of self-love—and how this shift can transform your relationships, your mental health, and your spiritual wellbeing.
The Hidden Cost of People-Pleasing
People-pleasing is often mistaken for kindness or generosity. But beneath it lies something deeper: a fear of rejection, a need for approval, or a belief that your needs are less important than everyone else’s.
Saying yes to others and no to yourself may feel like the path of least resistance—but over time, it can lead to resentment, anxiety, low self-esteem, and even depression.
From a counselling perspective, these emotional signs are your inner self trying to get your attention.
Spiritually, people-pleasing can disconnect you from your intuition—that deep inner wisdom guiding you toward what truly feels aligned.
Why Setting Boundaries Is Essential for Mental and Emotional Health
Setting boundaries is not selfish. It’s self-honouring.
It’s how we protect our energy, communicate our worth, and create space for healthier relationships.
Boundaries are vital for:
Emotional wellbeing
Burnout recovery
Stronger self-esteem
Better communication
Spiritual alignment
When you consistently say yes to things that drain you, you reinforce the message that your needs don’t matter. But every time you say no from a place of love and clarity, you teach yourself—and others—that you are worthy of respect.
How to Reclaim Your Voice and Stop Self-Abandonment
Breaking the pattern of people-pleasing is a journey, not a quick fix. But these small steps can help you begin:
1. Pause Before You Say Yes
Before giving an automatic yes, take a breath. Tune into your body.
Do you feel tension or dread? Or a sense of ease and excitement?
Your body holds powerful wisdom—learning to listen can help you make aligned choices.
2. Ask Gentle, Loving Questions
Try:
“Am I saying yes out of love, or fear?”
“What do I need in this moment?”
These questions reconnect you with your truth and help you act from clarity, not pressure.
3. Practice Saying No Without Guilt
Your no is sacred. You don’t need to justify or over-explain it.
Saying no is a healthy, powerful act of self-respect.
4. Let Go of the Need to Be Perfect
Growth is messy, human, and nonlinear.
You will fall back into old habits sometimes—and that’s okay.
Each boundary you set is a win. Celebrate every step.
5. Honour Your Inner Voice
Every time you choose your truth, you strengthen self-trust.
Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re bridges to more authentic relationships and a more peaceful life.
A Spiritual Shift: You Don’t Have to Earn Love
Here’s a deeper truth:
You are inherently worthy. You don’t have to earn love by over-giving or self-sacrificing.
Many people-pleasers carry the hidden belief that love must be earned. This creates an exhausting cycle of striving and self-abandonment.
But when you begin to honour your needs, set clear boundaries, and stop apologising for your truth—you break that cycle.
You return to your wholeness, and you remember who you really are.
How EMDR Therapy Can Help You Heal the Roots of People-Pleasing
Sometimes, the habit of self-abandonment stems from deeper emotional wounds—such as childhood experiences of rejection, criticism, or emotional neglect. These early experiences can create beliefs like “I’m not enough,” or “I must please others to be safe.”
EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) is a powerful and evidence-based approach that can help you heal the root causes of these patterns. It works by processing unresolved emotional memories that may still be influencing your reactions, beliefs, and relationships today.
If you find yourself knowing you should set boundaries but still freezing, fawning, or feeling intense guilt—EMDR can help shift those deep, stuck responses and support lasting change.
When to Seek Support: Counselling, Coaching, and EMDR for People-Pleasing
If you’re finding it difficult to break free from people-pleasing, counselling, coaching, and EMDR therapy can provide a safe, empowering space to:
Uncover and heal the root causes of self-abandonment
Rebuild self-trust and inner safety
Learn practical tools for boundary setting
Reconnect with your authentic self
Strengthen your emotional and spiritual resilience
As a counsellor, coach, and EMDR practitioner, I offer a holistic approach that blends evidence-based therapy with deep spiritual insight. Together, we work toward healing, empowerment, and lasting transformation.
Final Thoughts: You Are Worthy of Your Own Yes
Stopping self-abandonment isn’t about becoming rigid or perfect. It’s about coming back to yourself, gently and consistently.
-Say yes when you mean yes.
-Say no when you mean no.
-Honour your voice, your energy, your needs.
You are worthy of love, respect, and inner peace—especially from yourself.
🎧 Want to go deeper?
Listen to my podcast episode “How to Stop Abandoning Yourself” where I share personal insights and practical tools for setting boundaries with love.